Truth
by xxArtemisxFowlxx
Summary: Draco Malfoy is afraid to give Astoria Greengrass the truth, but fights with the pain he causes her because of it. A songfic using Seether's 'Truth'.
1. Part 1

For anybody that hasn't heard the song _Truth_ by Seether, I highly recommend turning it on and listening while you read. The moment I heard this song it screamed Draco, and I hope you agree. Because of the length of this songfic, I have broken it into three chapters.

(This takes place during the sixth book, _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_.)

Please **review** :)

~Jackie//xxArtemisxFowlxx

* * *

**Truth (pt.1)  
**Draco Malfoy Songfic  
'Truth' - Seether

Astoria was standing with her back against a cold stone wall, one hand entwined with another's while her other hand rested on their cheek. She leaned forward slightly on her tip toes and pressed her lips against his, both of them hidden in the shadows of a statue on the second floor. His watch dinged, warning that it was only a few minutes before he needed to be in Potions and she in Transfiguration, both classes on opposite floors.  
Astoria sank back down onto her heels, her lips sliding off his. She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a hug, a warm smile playing about her mouth. He attempted a smile in return, but it didn't quite come out, turning more into an odd version of a smirk. Draco let go of her hand and quickly went down the stairs, heading for the dungeons, knowing Professor Slughorn wasn't as forgiving as Snape. She stood there transfixed and alone by the statue, her smile gone too.

* * *

At eleven that night, Astoria sat in the Slytherin common room staring with glazed eyes at the small fire that still crackled in the fireplace. Everything else was quiet, her classmates asleep in their beds. She had been made to finish her homework down in the common room since her roommates had obnoxiously complained about the light from her wand earlier. Her body was very tired, and she didn't much fancy moving from her comfortable spot on the black leather couch. She bent her neck backwards and relaxed, closing her eyes.  
She heard footsteps coming from the boys' dorms and opened her eyes out of curiosity. She saw Draco slip out of the shadows and into the rich glow of the common room's fire, pausing when he noticed her.  
"What are _you_ doing up so late?" His tone was condescending, as if he'd forgotten that he was talking to his girl.

"I could ask you the same thing," Astoria replied, turning to face him with her arms crossed.

Draco ignored her question and walked over behind the couch, crossing his own arms. "You should go to bed, Astoria. It's past eleven." She frowned and stood up, both of them looking at the other with their arms folded. "_I don't have time to put up with this_," he muttered under this breath, turning for the door that led out into the dungeons.  
"Why can't you tell me where you're going?" Draco turned and saw her, eyes untrusting and hurt. He looked at her for a long time, but only turned his back on her.

* * *

**If I gave you the truth, would it keep you alive?  
Though I'm closer to wrong  
I'm no further from right  
And now I'm convinced on the inside, something's wrong with me  
Convinced on the inside, you're so much more than me, yeah **

Once he was outside the common room, Draco started to feel a tinge of guilt for walking out on her without an explanation. He pushed it out of his mind, numbing himself against his emotions. He had to focus. He didn't have time for feelings, not anymore. Why he'd asked her out in the first place still confused him whenever he looked back. He hadn't been thinking then—and now he had yet another problem on his hands, all because he hadn't thought before he spoke a few months back. He had let his emotions control him.

His feet started down the path he'd been walking for months now, every night he could. Sometimes he'd fallen asleep before his other roommates, not waking up until it was time for school the next day. And now because of those mistakes he was behind schedule—by this point in the year, he should have been almost done. He was grabbing for time so badly now that he wasn't eating like he should; skipping breakfast had become an everyday occurrence.

As his feet led him up flights of stairs, his mind kept flashing back to her face—sullen, betrayed, and hurt—and it was all because of his neglect. He let out a small groan and once again pushed it out of his mind, for now at least. It was yet _another_ thing to deal with once he was done with his task.

After walking back and forth outside the wall on the seventh floor, Draco grasped the door knob with his fingertips and went in. Piles of junk were stacked everywhere, and at the top he saw his cabinet. He pulled out his hawthorn wand, pointing it at the top and thinking '_accio Vanishing Cabinet_'. It landed gently at his feet where he picked it up and carried it off to a semi-clean portion of the room.

As he scanned pages of the magical repair book he'd also stashed in the Room of Hidden Things, Draco allowed his mind to wonder about what Astoria's reaction would have been had he answered her question about where he was going and why. _Afraid_? Most likely. _Untrusting_? Definitely. _Mad_? At first, yes, but if she gave him the chance to explain. . .?

But he wouldn't explain—he couldn't. Draco knew that even though he hadn't treated her very nicely this past year, she would offer to help. Another Snape trying to butt into his plans. But Snape knew what he was getting into—Astoria wouldn't know, wouldn't really care. She'd just be there, worrying and pleading, wanting him to share his. . . _emotions_ with her so that she could comfort him. And if she ran her mouth too much, bad things could happen. Horrible things--and not necessarily to just him.

She'd go on telling him that it was wrong what he was doing, helping the Dark Lord. Just like Potter, she'd be able to look past the fact that his parents' lives were at risk, and that their fate along with his weighed on his shoulders right now. He couldn't tell her the truth; this had to be kept only within the Death Eaters.

* * *

**No there's nothing you say that can salvage the lie  
But I'm trying to keep my intentions disguised  
And now I'm deprived of my conscience, something's got to give  
Deprived of my conscience  
This all belongs to me, yeah**

The next morning, Draco walked out of his dorm and to the Great Hall; he'd gotten a lot done the night before considering how much the thought of Astoria had been nagging him, and was allowing himself to eat a much needed breakfast instead of running back to work on the cabinet some more.

Astoria was in the Great Hall sitting next to her older sister Daphne, a sixth year like him. She was smiling until she saw him walk over, her mouth starting to droop. "You're eating breakfast?" Her tone was unbelieving.

"Well why else would I be here?" He replied smartly, sitting next to her. Inside he regretted his words, feeling the same pain that showed in her eyes. They didn't say a word to each other, didn't hug, didn't kiss, nothing the other couples around them did in the morning.

"Are you two still dating? Or did I miss the breakup?" Daphne asked incredulously, her eyebrows rising as she looked at the two, both of their expressions sulky.

"Don't worry about it, Daphne," Astoria muttered, taking a sip from her cup, not looking in her sister's eyes.

"If you say so," she replied, shrugging her shoulders. "_Angsty_ _much?_" She whispered to herself before turning to talk to a sullen Pansy whose greedy eyes were set on Draco.

"What classes do you have today?" Astoria asked, wanting to break the tense mood. Malfoy shrugged his shoulders half heartedly and began to untie a small package from his eagle owl's leg, which had just landed.

"What I always have on Thursdays." She grit her teeth and fought the urge to roll her eyes and snap back, Draco trying to push down his want to wrap his arms around her and give her a real kiss instead of the nonsense they'd been playing around with lately. An inaudible groan escaped his lips. Merlin, he hated hormones.

"_Occlumency_," He thought, "_Focus_ _on using_ _occlumency_." He was barely aware of Blaise Zabini sitting down next to him, nudging him with his elbow before reaching for the eggs. Crabbe and Goyle watched his hand enviously.

"So where were you last night, Malfoy? Don't think I haven't noticed you sneaking off," Blaise gave him a sly grin, watching his roommate's face closely. He always did love an opportunity to blackmail somebody.

"He had things he needed to take care of," Astoria covered, looking to Draco for approval, "er, with Snape." She wanted to smack her palm to her forehead the instant the words left her lips.

"At eleven o'clock at night?" Blaise snorted in disbelief. "What'd they need to do? Give each other a bedtime kiss?" He snickered while spreading butter over a piece of toast.

"Keep out of it Zabini. Don't go sticking your crooked nose where it doesn't belong," Draco snarled. Blaise gave him a fleeting glance out of the corner of his eye which just screamed '_try_ _me_'. "You too," Malfoy added, rounding on Astoria. Her face fell again and she let out a small sigh, poking at the yolk of her eggs until they bled yellow. Why did he always have to beat her down?


	2. Part 2

I hope you enjoyed part one! Once again, please **review** :)

~Jackie//xxArtemisxFowlxx

* * *

**Truth (pt.2)  
**Draco Malfoy Songfic  
'Truth' - Seether

**I'm beaten down again, I belong to them  
Beaten down again, I've failed you  
I'm weaker now my friend, I belong to them  
Beaten down again, I've failed you **

That evening, Astoria sat in her dorm, flipping the pages of _The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 4_, but not paying attention to the words. Her mind was wandering over the letter her mother had been sent her lately.

_Little Astoria,_

_Are you still dating that 6__th__ year boy? I told you he was too old! I know there's only 2 years difference, but for young witches and wizards that's too big of a gap! You've both got different relationship goals right now. _

_Please come to your senses before you get hurt,_

_Mom_

'Relationship goals'? Astoria didn't even know what _her_ 'goals' were, and it boiled her blood to know that her mother still saw her as the _little_ one. She was always _little_ Greengrass, the _little_ sister, or _little_ Astoria. She was a fourth year—surely that entitled _some_ freedom! But the more she thought about it, the more she was beginning to think that her mother was right. Maybe there _was_ too big of a difference between Draco and her. She shut her spell book and set it on top of her trunk. Maybe a sixth year really was out of her league.

* * *

After dinner, Draco was sitting in the common room, at least _attempting_ to do a little of his homework before making somebody else finish it for him. He tried his best to ignore the Slytherin couples around him, kissing and talking in quiet corners alone, nothing on their minds but each other. His stomach began to churn as thoughts of Astoria sitting in her dorm neglected and alone began to surface. Coupled with the lovebirds around him, it was enough to make him sick. Shutting his Charms textbook, Draco left it on a nearby table where the person who usually did his homework would pick it up.

When he took a single step out of the common room, his feet already felt like dragging themselves up to his bed to sleep—he didn't want to go back into the Room of Hidden Things, but he had to. Draco's feet reluctantly went on autopilot once again as he climbed the various sets of moving stairs, trying his best at keeping a clear head, but failing miserably. Thoughts of Astoria, the maddening Dark Lord, his parents, Snape, the broken Vanishing Cabinet, school, Quidditch, and everything else he'd been worrying about this entire term fell like lead upon his shoulders, making his feet seem heavier with every step towards the seventh floor.

Once he reached the sixth floor, he couldn't hold it in anymore. He had to let his emotions out, however badly he didn't want to. Darting into an empty and rundown boys' bathroom, Draco grasped the familiar dingy sides of what used to be a white sink.

"When will this torture be over?" he groaned, leaning his forehead against the streaked surface of the dirty mirror hanging over the basin. "I don't want this anymore. . .It's not what I expected. . .Not what I dreamed of for all those years!" His shoulders heaved as he started to cry, tears slipping down his face. His knuckles turned even paler as he gripped the sink, trying to release his pent up frustration at his failure so far.

"Oh, so you did come back to visit me?" Draco froze, looking over his shoulder in shocked embarrassment. Moaning Myrtle was floating in a nearby urinal, looking sympathetic behind her glasses.

"Go away; it's not your problem!" He snapped, wanting no witnesses to his emotional breakdown. It was hard enough to cope with as it was. But like all the other times, she didn't leave and floated over by one of the nearby stalls and leaned her head against it.

"You can tell me; I promise not to tell," she cooed, her eyes growing large. Draco turned away from her and looked down into the sink, his hands starting to shake from gripping so hard as more tears fell down his face. "Oh don't," she crooned, "Don't. . .tell me what's wrong. . .I can help you."

"No one can help me," Draco choked out, now starting to shake all over as the memories started resurfacing in his mind. . . facing the Dark Lord alone. . .warning messages telling him that he needed to hurry. . .letters of his mother pleading with him to allow Snape to help. . .Astoria's face when he pushed her away. . . "I can't do it. . . I can't. . . It won't work. . . and unless I do it soon. . . he says he'll kill me. . ." A gasp shook his upper body, making him choke from so much crying. He flicked his eyes up into the dusty and cracked mirror above him—and saw Potter looking over his shoulder, eyes wide.

Draco was quick to draw his wand—if Potter repeated one word he'd said, things could get bad. He shot a hex, but his hand was shaking so badly that he missed by merely inches. A lamp shattered, glass descending onto the ground as Potter dove out of the way and shot a jinx at him which he was just barely able to block. He was about to send another spell when Moaning Myrtle started yelling, making him jump and miss. Potter shot a spell back, but missed terribly and busted a cistern above Moaning Myrtle that sent water everywhere, causing Harry to slip in the process.

Draco was tired of playing games. He'd already been humiliated since Potter had seen him sobbing like a child, and was sick of constant problems—a spell leapt forward in his mind, a perfect way to get rid of his anger and frustration.

"_Cruci—_" he started to yell, but Potter quickly jumped up and yelled,

"SECTUMSEMPRA!"

Never before had Draco felt such excruciating _agony_. Blood seemed to be draining by bucket loads, the pale skin on his chest ripping open by itself. His mind was screaming with pain, but he couldn't utter a word as his voice was choked by pain. He staggered back, only able to see smears of crimson blood until he collapsed on the hard, flooded tile floor. His wand fell into the blood soaked water, his frantic fingers scrabbling over his chest, fruitlessly trying to hold himself together and stop the blood. His mind was buzzing, utterly confused as to what Potter had done to him. Through the blood that coated his face he couldn't even see his adversary kneeling next to him, unsure of what to do and what he'd done.

Draco mentally blanked out from the pain, his body shaking uncontrollably though he had no knowledge or control over it. After what seemed like an eternity he began to feel the pain ebb. Someone wiped the blood from his face and began to lift him up, and only then did he recognize that it was Snape. He spoke a few words to Potter before leading Draco towards the door, Malfoy's feet stumbling along below him in a dazed stupor as Snape helped him along. However his legs soon crumpled beneath him in the corridor and Snape had to carry his blood soaked body to the hospital wing.

* * *

_Dittany_. Draco could still taste the bitter residue on his tongue from the dose Madam Pomfrey had given him. She had been nice enough to give him a small cup of pumpkin juice to wash it down, but the taste still burned in his mouth as a reminder. He soon began to feel its effects, his crimson scars beginning to mend themselves, feeling like someone was zipping a burning hot zipper over his flesh. After a minute or so the major scars had been erased, only to leave faint red lines to show where he'd been cut.

He laid his blonde head back on a pillow and took in a few deep breaths, clearing his mind. Part of him figured that he should be dead, while the other half hadn't quite caught up to thinking just yet. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, ignoring the images that flashed into his mind from earlier. Out of sudden curiosity, Draco shifted slightly onto his side, checking quickly to make sure Madam Pomfrey wasn't watching. When her back was turned tending to a student, he pulled up the sleeve on his left arm. The dittany he'd been given hadn't sealed up his Dark Mark, thankfully. Getting his first one had hurt enough and he wouldn't have enjoyed a second branding. He yanked the robe sleeve down again, noticing that someone must have brought him a new pair of robes since the ones he was wearing weren't damp with blood. Then the thought of Madam Pomfrey undressing and redressing him struck and he rolled over onto his side to hopefully escape the thought in sleep.

Usually he would have already been writing a letter to his mother (his father being imprisoned), screaming of how Potter had almost killed him and that she should take it up with the Ministry at once since Dumbledore definitely wouldn't expel his favorite student. But he was afraid; afraid that word would get around to the Death Eaters, and possibly the Dark Lord, that he'd been beaten and humiliated by Potter. They already looked down upon him for being the youngest; he didn't need them knowing his skills had failed once again. Still unsettled, Draco turned onto his other side hoping to find a comfortable position.

The sound of Madam Pomfrey's approaching footsteps immediately triggered his eyes to shut as to appear asleep. The revolting taste of dittany still burned at the back of his mouth, and he was in no mood to have another serving shoved down his throat.

"Looks as if he's finally fallen asleep; I'll have to ask you to come back later, Miss Greengrass." The nurse's words were quietly spoken, but they made Draco's heartbeat spike; and not in the I'm-so-glad-my-girlfriend-is-here kind of jolt, but more the I-really-don't-want-to-talk-to-her-right-now sort of way. He gently nuzzled his face into the pillow and began exaggerating his deep breathing to convince Astoria that he really was asleep.

"Well, maybe I'll come back after dinner. I—I don't know." Draco knew he should have been concerned at the way her voice wavered and the nervous tone it contained, but he felt nothing. Nothing except for relief bloomed in his chest; the sweet relief of not having to see those two worried and untrusting eyes of hers. The mere thought of them sent shivers jolting along his spine; it seemed like she could see past all the lies he'd been weaving. He hated the idea.

As her footsteps faded away, Malfoy was finally able to settle into an uncomfortable, yet welcomed, sleep.


	3. Part 3

The finale to my songfic; please **review** :)

~Jackie//xxArtemisxFowlxx

* * *

**Truth (pt.3****)  
**Draco Malfoy Songfic  
'Truth' - Seether

**The deception you show is your own parasite  
Just a word of advice you can heed if you like  
And now I'm convinced on the inside, something's wrong with me  
Convinced on the inside you're so much more than me, yeah **

Astoria stood outside the Hospital wing door, battling whether she should go in. Dinner break had just begun, but she knew she couldn't eat a thing until she saw Draco. At the same time, she _didn't_ want to see Draco. The sound of ripping parchment drew her attention back to the doorway she stood outside of.

"You're free to go," she heard Madam Pomfrey say, "but by all means come back if the red lines don't disappear in a few hours. I can give you more Dittany." Astoria leaned her head around the corner and saw Draco standing at her desk, a sour grimace on his face. "I know it's not the tastiest thing in the world, but it's better than scarring," the nurse reprimanded. Astoria took her head out of the doorway and leaned against the stone wall outside, debating whether she should go in.

"_Just do it! He's your boyfriend,_" she thought. Lifting her head off the wall, she turned into the doorway only to knock into Draco as he exited.

"Astoria," he said, his eyes widening as he looked at her.

"How-how are you?" she asked, a smile surfacing when she noticed that he at least looked okay. She wrapped her arms around him, but felt awkward when he didn't return the gesture.

"I'm fine." Astoria withdrew from him, running her fingers over her ear to keep the hair back. "Has dinner started?" She nodded her head in consent, taking to his side as he began descending towards the Great Hall. Astoria looked him over quietly, her brows knitting when she saw faint red lines tracing his body. It pained her to know that she wouldn't ask him about it for fear of his possible reactions. Somewhere inside of her, something broke. Her feet unconsciously stopped. Draco paused and turned to look at her as she stood silently on the staircase.

"Astoria?" He queried, his eyes unwavering. She bit the inside of her lip indecisively; then her shoulders slumped and she caved.

"Draco, I just- -I don't think we're. . .I don't think we're right for each other." Her eyes clouded over with fear and sadness as she looked at him from where she stood on the steps. His cheeks drew inwards as his steel gaze froze in place on her face; no emotion tugged at his lips. Astoria's eyes grew large and her breathing shallow, her lips parting. Finally Malfoy straightened his posture definitively.

"Fine; I- -" Draco paused, the words catching in his constricted throat. "_I never loved you anyways," _thought his mind, but his heart screamed otherwise. Could he leave her with those lying words, alone to stand on the steps and cry? Water pooled in her eyes, but none of it dropped. Shutting his mouth like a fool, Draco turned on his heel and hurried down an abandoned hallway without her.

He had failed her.

* * *

I'm beaten down again, I belong to them  
Beaten down again, I've failed you  
I'm weaker now my friend, I belong to them  
Beaten down again, I've failed you

Draco sat in an empty classroom, his knees against his chest while one finger drew lazily across the lines on his arms. He grit his teeth as his wounds stung in protest, stopping when tears threatened. His head was spinning; nothing seemed to make much sense. His stomach growled loudly, but he ignored it. Astoria would surely be sitting at the Slytherin table by now, and he had no longing to see her face. The face that concealed all the pain, hurt, passion, and. . .and love that she held for him.

"I love nobody," he lied through grit teeth, hoping that saying it aloud would make it true. "Nobody; only. . .only my master." The words made him grimace, but it was better than thinking of the enigma that was his relationship with Astoria Greengrass. He lifted back his left robe sleeve to expose the pale white skin beneath. There on his forearm writhed the Dark Mark, its inky darkness contrasting violently with the rest of his skin. His hard eyes stared with the expression of ice, glinting in the darkness of the classroom.

Did he love his master?

Slowly, his lips raised into a snarl. Thoughts of Astoria flitted through his racing mind, and a deep hatred of the Dark Lord dawned inside him. It was because of him he couldn't hold her. It was because of him his nights were spent alone in bed, longing to hold Astoria. It was because of him his life was near destruction.

It was he who owned him. He who controlled him. Draco Malfoy was nothing more than a puppet.

* * *

**I'm beaten down again, I belong to them  
Beaten down again, I've failed you  
I'm weaker now my friend, I belong to them  
Beaten down again, I've failed you **

Draco angrily pushed himself off the stone floor, eyes blazing. His foot connected with the teacher's desk, thudding against the wood belligerently. His hands grabbed at various items--an inkpot, books, picture frames--and thrust them at the blackboard where they shattered. He wreaked more destruction on the classroom--shoving over desks, toppling piles of books, scattering stacks of parchment--until a person appeared in the doorway. Draco looked over his shoulder with an expression of madness, fingers gripping the edge of another desk. Astoria stood there, her mouth agape at the damage caused to the room.

"What are you doing here?" he barked, sending chills down her spine. Her eyes surveyed the room in shock, fingers gripping the wooden doorframe.

"You're going to be in so much trouble," she whispered, reverting her gaze back to him, "Are you all right?" His hands violently thrust the desk he was holding onto its side before he spun to face her.

"Good! Perhaps then they'll expel me!" Astoria's mouth formed a grim line as she stepped towards him though fear showed in her eyes.

"What's wrong with you, Draco?" she said silently, her soft words soothing to his ears. Eyeing the destruction around him, Malfoy decided it didn't matter whether she knew or not. Why should it mean anything anymore? He was as good as dead.

"What's _wrong_? You really want to know?" he growled, her head nodding timidly in reply.

"I think I've gone bloody insane, that's what's wrong! The Dark Lord is threatening to kill me if I don't finish soon, Potter damn near killed me today, and then you--you! I don't even know what to begin thinking about you! You're always there, nagging at my thoughts, consuming me! I feel like I love you, yet I can't! It's impossible!" he shouted. "We're impossible," he added softly. He leaned against the desk for support, his shoulders heaving from the strain of destroying the classroom. Astoria remained silent for a few seconds then stepped forward, pausing a few feet away from him for caution.

"No," she whispered, reaching out to him, "We're not impossible. Let me help you. . ." Her fingers grazed the tip of his left shoulder.

". . .No," he replied hoarsely. His hand wrapped around her wrist to move it, but she gripped his robes.

"I was wrong, Draco. I didn't know what was going on. I've been so confused!" His head began to shake in protest as his lips parted, but she cut him off. "I want to help you, Draco. You can't do this on your own. Just look around you." His throat choked, but he still shook his head.

"I have to do it alone. Or else he'll kill you, Astoria. Then he'll kill me," Draco whispered, suddenly realizing how close she'd gotten to him. "We're impossible," he murmured, his breath warm on her face.

"No, we're not," she breathed, pressing her lips against his. His fingers were still wrapped around her wrist, but he withdrew, his hand wandering behind her head. She pulled away from his wet lips, pressing her warm cheek against his. What he felt for her at that moment was incredible, but as he looked over her shoulder at his arms wrapped around her, the Dark Mark loomed in the shadow of his sleeve. He turned his head and looked out the dark window, rain pounding against its panels. Though he held her in his arms, he knew they couldn't be together. At least not at the moment.

"Astoria?" he whispered into her ear.

"Yes?" she replied.

"You have to promise to not tell anybody; not a soul, about what I said tonight." She released her arms from around him and let them slide to his sides.

"I promise," she vowed. She went to hold him once more, but he held her hands in place.

"And you also have to swear you won't try to help me by any means. I have to do this alone." Her eyes flashed and her mouth opened, but he put a finger to her lips. "You must swear." Her shoulders slowly relaxed once more and he lifted his finger.

"I swear," she mumbled. This time she made no move to hold him again. "We can't be together now, can we?" His head shook slowly.

"No," he muttered, kissing her forehead. "But we're not impossible." She nodded then gently took his hand, leading him towards a still standing desk. Thunder rumbled overhead and lightning flashed through the window as they sat next to each other, the classroom's darkness silhouetting them against the window.

"Draco?" Astoria asked softly.

"Yes?" he replied.

"Thanks for telling me the truth."

* * *

I hope you enjoyed reading _Truth_ as much as I loved writing it! Please share your thoughts through a **review**!

More Astoria/Draco to come :)

~Jackie//xxArtemisxFowlxx


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